


The Choice

by Little_Red



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Attempted Kidnapping, Character Death, Demon Dean Winchester, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Sex, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fight Scenes, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Love Triangles, MOC!Dean Winchester - Freeform, Mark of Cain, Multi, Nightmares, Possible trigger warnings due to fight scenes, Romance, Scars, Slow Burn, Smut, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-06
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-28 15:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10123469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Red/pseuds/Little_Red
Summary: You and Dean have always had an intense, burning attraction to each other.  And it showed. It smoldered in the background, making tempers flare and tensions rise. Your relationship with the older Winchester was full of heated glances, sexual innuendos and stolen kisses. But being a hunter, you both knew that a lasting relationship wasn’t in the cards. So you kept a tight rein on your emotions,  never truly giving in to the burning desire that you felt for each other, always coming close but then backing off and finding some way to cool down.  Then after seeing Sam suffer through the trials, you become closer, knowing that you would both be burned, but not caring. Until a new face comes around, and throws your whole world upside down as you find yourself torn between a handsome hunter, and a fallen angel. And what happens when the angel betrays you, and the hunter turns into a demon?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I toyed around with making it an OFC pairing, but I wanted to do a reader insert. So the girl in the aesthetic is just there for reasons, mainly to show what happens to her and how she changes. And the aesthetic kind of follows the timeline of the plot, or at least I tried to convey that. This fic starts out at the end of season 8, with the Djinn episode and goes from there, following Dean as he changes into a demon, and Gadreel as he tries to make amends. 
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of blood, death, scars, sex. Will be NSFW at one point. Love triangle. Fight scenes, attempted kidnappings, funerals, nightmares, angst, romance, fluff, humor. Possible trigger warnings due to the fight scenes.

  


 

## *****

**_Reader POV_ **

“Y/N?” Sam’s panicked voice cut through the fog in my head, “Y/N?? Did the Djinn touch you?”

“What?” I groaned as I sat up carefully, leaning against Sam and looking around for Dean, blinking to try and clear my vision, which was useless since I seemed to be bleeding rather profusely.

“Where’s Dean? And Charlie!!! Is she alright? What happened?” I demanded as I gingerly touched the gash on my face and winced.  

“Dean and Charlie are fine, they are just over there.” Sam replied, as he gently prodded at the deep cut, “The Djinn smashed your face first into a wall. The kid was so focused on getting to me, he just wanted you out of the way.”

Sam helped me to my feet and I swayed unsteadily, clinging to Sam for support. “Charlie? Are you alright?” I gasped out,  shaking my head slightly to try and clear away the lingering fogginess that clouded my mind.

“Yes Y/N, I’m in fine.” my friend answered me tearfully as she hugged Dean, “How is your hea…. oh my god!!! Y/N!! You’re bleeding!!!”

Charlie pulled away from Dean and ran over to me, fretting over my bleeding head. I had no idea how bad the cut was, but judging from Dean’s clenched jaw,  it was bad. I knew I was in for a lecture about letting my guard down later. And getting taken down by a kid. It was a monster kid mind you, but still a kid.

Sam carefully picked me up and I yelped, grabbing onto him for support. “Uhh Sammy? Are you sure you should be carrying me?” I asked hesitantly, peering nervously at the ground. I was in no shape to be dropped on my ass again.

“I’m fine Y/N.” Sam growled, “But if you call me Sammy again or tell me that I’m not strong enough to carry a little thing like you, I _will_ drop you on your ass.”

“Sure thing Sammmm” I replied, barely managing to stop myself from calling him Sammy.  

Sam scowled but tightened his grip on me as he carried me out to the Impala. I carefully peeked over his shoulder and met Dean’s eyes as he led Charlie out of the building. I saw the usual fire, passion and rage that dwelled there whenever he looked at me, always simmering and never satiated. I knew that my eyes had the same emotions swimming in them, always there.  I wanted Dean as much as he wanted me, but we didn’t want to upset the balance, ruin what was a good thing. A team that worked well together. Sex could really screw that up. A relationship would screw it up even more. So we ignored it. Keeping it to heated glances and screaming matches when it got to be too much. Screaming matches that sometimes ended up in passionate kisses.  Or doors slamming in fits of anger and sexual frustration. Sometimes both, depending on the day.

And judging from the worry mixed in with the rest of the emotions swirling in his stunning green eyes, I was most definitely going to get yelled at tonight.  I turned away, breaking eye contact, only to have Charlie catch my eye and shoot me a look that said “ _Just fuck already_.”

If only it were that simple.

*****

**_Reader POV_ **

I was laying in my bed, loopy on pain meds and whiskey, all settled in to binge watch Gilmore Girls when Dean came storming in. Charlie had already left, kissing me on the cheek and telling me to text her later. Sam was off who knows where. I was confined to bed rest as per the Doctor’s orders, and at Dean’s mercy.

“Dammit Y/N!!!” Dean yelled at me once he had shut the door, “ You nearly got yourself killed!”

“I didn’t know that there was two Djinn!!” I snapped back, the pain killers (or the whiskey) making me slur my words slightly,. “And I didn’t die!! I’m still in once piece!!”

“You call that one piece?” Dean growled, waving his hand at my bruised, swollen eye and the stitches that ran from the middle of my forehead, and through my eyebrow. I also had stitches from when the mommy Djinn punched me, right below the same eye. Aside from the fact that I couldn’t see out of that eye right now, I had decided that the scars were going to be pretty bad ass.

“I’m not broken or missing limbs!!” I growled back, “I’m only chipped in places!”

“Chipped… Chipped…. She’s says she’s only chipped Sammy!” Dean repeated, waving an arm at me as Sam came into my room.

Sam snorted, “Well in a way she’s right.” he started, stopping when his brother glared at him, “It could have been worse Dean. But it wasn’t Y/N fault! Neither one of us knew that there was a second Djinn! He came out of nowhere and smashed Y/N head against the wall before either of us could even react.”

“She’s not as good as you Sammy.” Dean sighed, “She’s still learning. And now we have Charlie trying to hunt… They are our responsibility!! And tonight we almost lost both of them!! I almost lost..Y..” he trailed off, looked at me once more and then quickly left.

Dean practically admitted that he almost lost me, but all I could focus on was the “She’s not good enough” part of the sentence.

"Fine.” I growled, throwing my laptop to the side and then swinging my legs off the bed. “If I am not good enough to fight with you, then I will leave and you can wash your hands of me.”

Sam rushed to my side, pushing me back into bed. “He doesn’t mean it! I will go talk to him, but you have to get back in bed. The doctor said that you hit your head really hard and need to take it easy.”

I glared up at him with my only working eye. “Fine. But only because I can’t see to drive right now.” I muttered, carefully getting back into bed. Sam pressed a kiss to my forehead before hurrying after Dean.

I waited a few minutes, until I heard their raised voices and then I got back out of bed and pulled my duffel bag out, quickly throwing my clothes into it. I was almost fully packed when my door was thrown open.

“I knew it!!” Dean shouted, storming in and tearing the clothes out of my hands. “It would be just like you to sneak out like this.”

“You’re the one that said that I wasn’t good enough!” I yelled, putting my hands on his chest and pushing him as hard as I could, “So why don’t I just leave then? Huh? What’s keeping me here?”

Dean stumbled back and looked at me in shocked silence. “Me. I hope that I am keeping you here.” he finally whispered.

“What?” I asked, turning to look at him, “What did you say?”

I suddenly found myself gently, yet firmly pushed against the wall, while Dean towered over me, caging me in with his arms.  "I’ve lost to much.“ he whispered, "My mom. My dad.  Bobby. Rufus. Lisa. Ben. Cas is all but gone lately and now with Sammy going through these trials… I’m scared that I am going to lose him. I can’t lose anyone else. You and Sammy are all that I got left.”

At the mention of Lisa, I stiffened and tried to get away. I had nothing against Lisa or Ben, she was a great woman and Ben was a good kid, it was just that I always felt the second place or the consolation prize next to them.

Dean swore softly and stopped my escape. “Wait. Please don’t leave me. I need you.” he pleaded.

I stared up into his green eyes, seeing an emotion that I wasn’t ready to name swimming in the green depths.  "You won’t lose me.“ I promised him, unsure of what else to say or do, especially since he mentioned Lisa and Ben.

Dean leaned down and captured my lips with his own, kissing me with an intensity that almost scared me.  When he finally broke the kiss, he pulled away. "Get in bed.” he ordered.

“Uhh Dean… I’m not..” I started only to have him cut me off.

“No, I’m not after that… what kind of man do you think I am?” he asked me, a tinge of hurt lacing his voice, “You need to rest and someone needs to look after you and make sure that you are all right, remember? Doctors orders. So we can lie down and watch a movie or something.”

“Oh..” I mumbled, as he stepped away, “Sorry. But I’m watching Gilmore Girls, you can take it or leave it.”

“I don’t want to start in the middle of a season!” he replied quickly, in a attempt to dissuade me.

“No worries. I am almost finished the first episode, so I can start it again.” I replied cheekily as I crawled into my bed. Dean sighed and got in beside me.

“Fine.”

*****

**_Reader POV_ **

I sighed, bored and alone in the bunker, ever since the Djinn hurt me, I’ve been stuck on research duty while I healed.  Then once Sam and Dean figured out that Crowley was killing people that they saved, they had put me on lock down. I wasn’t allowed out of the bunker at all. Cas was gone off who knows where and all I could do was think about how I came to meet the boys and what had happened that had led me down this path, I mean at one point I was a regular collage girl, and now look at me. I kill monsters for a living.

I had been with the Winchesters ever since my dead parents had risen. Everyone who had lost someone in my hometown, suddenly and unexplainably got them back.  After a few days of happiness and normality (as normal as you can get when your dead parents come back), they became like regular zombies and killed my aunt who I had been staying with while I was finishing collage. Dean saved me from a horrible death at the hands of my own (dead) parents. After seeing the horrors that lay in the world; I wanted to know more, so they took me in (after some convincing from Bobby, who had known my family) and taught me everything they knew.  I wasn’t as seasoned as they were, but I could hold my own.  When Sam went to hell, and Dean went to Lisa, I was lost. Dean and I had that damn chemistry but I was nothing but a bad memory of his brother, and Lisa wasn’t exactly my biggest fan, even she could see that there was something between Dean and myself, even though we never acted on it. So I struck out on my own, hunting and living the solitary hunter life. I didn’t see Dean for a year and half after he went to be with Lisa. Eventually Sam tracked me down and I did some hunting with him. But it wasn’t until Sam got his soul back, that I joined the brothers full time again. The time apart hadn’t really changed things between me and Dean, we still had the intense chemistry, but now there was guilt, because Dean still loved Lisa. And so our subtle flirting changed to fighting, then back to flirting, then more fighting, until we eventually ended up how we are now .

But Dean said that since they saved me from dying at the hands of my zombie parents, that I had to stay in the bunker where it was the safest. It made sense, I was safe here, but I always felt safest around Dean. And I wanted to be there to help Sam, who was one of my best friends. But I was slightly off my game, the last hunt proved as much when the Djinn was able to get the jump on me, it wasn’t even an adult, I shouldn’t have been caught so off guard. I was so deep into my musings that I didn’t hear the door open, and almost took Kevin’s head off with a shot gun.  I apologized profusely, kicking myself for letting my guard down…. again.

Kevin looked at my still healing scar questioningly and I explained what happened while I made us lunch. Then I spent the rest of the day helping him do research on the tablets. When the bunker started to go haywire and the meteors started falling, I took off, ignoring Kevin’s pleas to stop and stay with him. I had to find Sam and Dean, I had to know that they were all right. I drove all night, calling for them repeatedly, finally getting though to Dean and finding out where they were at.

“Dean?” I called, racing down the hallways of the hospital, looking for the brothers, “Dean?”  

“Y/N?” Dean replied, coming out of a room “Over here.”

I ran into his arms, crying and hugging him tightly. “What happened?” I whispered into his chest.

“The angels fell” he explained, pressing a kiss into my hair. “And Sammy… I stopped him before he finished the trials… but… I think I might have been too late.”

“He will get better.” I said firmly, pulling away from Dean to go into the room and pick up Sam’s hand. “He has too. You hear that Sam? You have to get better.”

Dean left for a bit, and I stayed with Sam, quietly pleading him to wake up. Dean seemed even more on edge when he came back and I looked at him strangely. When the grief counsellor came around, I could only glare at her while Dean talked, wondering what he had done now.

“I’ve got the King of Hell in my trunk.” he told her, before quickly leaving.

She looked at me, “Is that a metaphor?”

“Lady…. if I were you, I wouldn’t stick around to find out.” I replied, glaring at her as I sat beside Sam again, and squeezing his hand. She gave me a wary look and quickly left.

“Where are you Dean?” I muttered, looking at the clock, “You’ve been gone awhile now.” I was just getting up to go look for him; when the door opened and Dean came in, with a tall, handsome man behind him.

I stood protectively in front of Sam. “Dean, who is this?” I demanded, staring into the newcomers eyes.

“Y/N, This is Ezekiel. Ezekiel, this is Y/N.” Dean introduced gruffly, “He’s an angel who can help Sam.”

“An angel.” I said slowly, “So you fell?”

Ezekiel grimaced and nodded, “Yes, I did fell.” he replied softly.

“Are you all right?” I asked him worriedly, feeling drawn to him for some strange reason.

“I was hurt in the fall and in the fight with my brother, but I should be able to heal Sam.” he told me. I stepped aside and let him approach Sam, while looking at Dean and mouthing “ _Fight_?”. Dean shook his head slightly and I turned back to Ezekiel, knowing that Dean would tell me later what had happened. I watched anxiously as Ezekiel tried to heal Sam, murmuring about how weak he was.  Dean’s phone rang and he left to answer it, while Ezekiel worked on Sam, and I stared at Ezekiel.

Soon the building started shaking and I swayed unsteadily on my feet. Ezekiel reached out to steady me before heading to a window just as Dean burst in.

“One of yours?”  he demanded, looking at Ezekiel.

“Trying to secure a vessel.” Ezekiel replied seriously, turning from the window.  "We need to move.“

"No, No. If we move him, he dies.”

“If we stay, we could all die.”

Dean turned away and started writing angel warding on the walls while Ezekiel and I watched silently. I stole a quick glance at Ezekiel and then took another marker and started helping Dean ward the room.

“Long as these are up, no angels are coming in.” Dean announced, “No one’s coming out. You gonna be okay with these?”

“I’ll manage.” Ezekiel replied carefully, before stiffening and looking around.

“What?” Dean demanded, watching the angel carefully. As was I, but for different reasons.

“They’re here.”

“Okay do not open this door for anyone but me.” Dean ordered as he strode to the door, “and keep  her safe and heal him.” he pointed at me then Sam.

“I can take care of myself Dean.” I snapped, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

“No you can’t! Your vision is not what it used to be.” he snapped back at me, “So yes, you need someone to watch after you.”

“That was before!! When I still had the stitches in and my eye was bruised and swollen!! It’s gotten better since then Winchester, care to test it?” I growled at him, slipping my gun from its holster. I’d never actually shoot him but I was mad enough to let off a warning shot.

“Sammy said that you couldn’t hit your target when you two were practicing!”

“Uuhh at the time, Sammy couldn’t hit the broadside of a barn either.”

Dean gave me a look “When he wakes up, I’m telling him that you said that.”

“Please don’t!” I said quickly, backtracking as I thought of what the overgrown Winchester could do to me. “Last time he got mad at me he put my laptop up where I couldn’t reach it. ”

“Then stay out of sight Shortie, and let the angel protect you.” Dean retorted, nodding at Ezekiel and then leaving. Ezekiel looked at me, assessing the jagged cut that was still healing.

“Djinn.” I explained. “Didn’t know that there was two of them. One came up behind me and smashed my head into a concrete wall before Sam or I even had time to react.”

“I could heal you.” he offered hesitantly, looking upset that I was hurt.

“No.” I said firmly, “I’m fine. I will live. Sammy is the one who needs healed. I need my best friend back.”

I jumped when the windows burst and the fire alarm went off. I made to leave but Ezekiel grabbed my arm. “It’s not safe, please don’t leave.” he pleaded with me. Something about the way he said it froze me in my tracks.

“But Dean..” I started, torn between wanting to stay with the angel and wanting to go help Dean. The monitors that Sam was hooked up to started beeping madly, and I knew what that meant.

“Sam??! Sam?” I cried before looking at Ezekiel, “Save him!! Save him!! That’s what you came here to do, so save him!!!”

“I can’t.” he murmured, dropping heavily into a chair and looking at me sadly.

“What do you mean you can’t?” I whispered, as tears started running down my face.

“I’m sorry, please don’t cry… I’m too weak from the fall.” he replied sadly, “I wish that I could help.”

Dean came barreling into the room just then, beaten and bloody. “What the hell is happening?”

“This just started.” Ezekiel replied, waving at the machines, “And the warding… I’m afraid that I’m weaker than I thought.”

“We’re losing him Dean.” I whispered, staring down at Sam.

“I am sorry Dean.” he apologized, as Dean started canceling the wards.

“No. No, No, No.” Dean barked, getting up into Ezekiel’s face “No, we had a deal. I fight. You save.”

“At least I kept her safe?” Ezekiel said meekly, looking over at me. “And I would if I could. I’m just afraid that it’s too late.”

“Are you kidding me?” Dean snapped, ignoring what he had said about me, “Are you saying that there’s no way to save my brother’s life?”

“Dean.” I whispered, “What would Sam want?”

“No good ways, I’m afraid.” Ezekiel replied, looking at me then back at Dean. I frowned, wondering what that meant and wondering where Cas was, or if he was even alive.

“Well, what are the bad ones?” Dean asked, eyes wild. “We’re out of options here, man. Good or Bad, let me hear them!”

“I cannot promise.” Ezekiel said carefully, “But there is a chance that I can fix your brother….. From the inside.”

I gasped when I heard that. Sam would hate it, but if it kept him with us… it would be worth it, wouldn’t it?

“From the inside.” Dean repeated, “So, what, you gonna open him up?”

Ezekiel shook his head and I rolled my eyes at Dean, how did he not get it?

“What, possession?” Dean asked incredulously, “You want to possess Sam?”

“I told you.” Ezekiel started but Dean cut him off.

“No way.”

“Understood. It’s your call.”

“No, it’s Sam’s call.” Dean muttered “And there’s no way in hell he’d say yes to being possessed by anything.”

“He would rather die?.” Ezekiel stated, holding his ribs in pain.

Dean didn’t answer, just stared down silently at Sam.

“Dean!” I pleaded, tugging on his arm and glancing tearfully at Ezekiel as he struggled to his feet, “We have to try. We can’t lose him! Dean? Dean answer me!!! He may be your brother, but he’s my best friend!! You and Sam are all the family that I have left!!”

Dean just stared at Sam, ignoring me and everything else around him.

Ezekiel waved his arm at the monitors, making the dreadful beeping cease.

“I’ll leave you alone then.” he said quietly as he painfully made his towards the exit.

“Wait!” I pleaded, reaching out to try and stop him. “Please don’t go. Help us, and we can help you. Just please don’t go.”

He smiled sadly at me and looked at Dean, “It’s not up to me.” he whispered, as he once again started to leave.

I turned, ready to tear into Dean when he uttered the words I needed him to say.

“Wait.”

Ezekiel turned around and looked at Dean, waiting for him to continue.

“If I consider this…… and I mean just consider it…. I need something man.” he pleaded. “You got to prove to me how bad he is.”

Ezekiel sighed and walked over to Sam and touching his head, before reaching out to Dean. “Close your eyes.” he instructed, before placing his hand on Dean’s head. I stood at the foot of the bed and watched them cautiously, unsure of what was going to happen.

Dean’s eyes suddenly flew open, “What are you doing Sam?” he asked his still form.

“As you can see, there’s not much time.” Ezekiel said gravelly.

“I know.” Dean whispered, “Dammit, I know.”

“What’s happening?” I demanded, stamping my foot to get their attention.

“Sammy’s talking to death. He wants to stay dead this time.” Dean growled.

“No!!” I gasped, “Dean… you can’t let him… we can’t lose him!”

“I know.” Dean muttered, before looking at Ezekiel, “How will it work?”

“Mutual benefit, I suppose.” he explained, “I heal Sam while healing myself.”

“And when he’s healed?”

“I leave.” Ezekiel said simply. Dean sighed and looked down at Sam.

“It’s the best of a bad situation, Dean,” he added.

“Please Dean.” I said, coming to stand next to the angel, “Let him try. It’s all we got.”

“Even if I said yes, it doesn’t mean squat.” Dean admitted, “Sam will never say yes….not to you.”

“Then we have to trick him.” I spoke up.

Ezekiel nodded, “Yes, she’s right, we could trick him… because Sam would say yes to you.” he agreed.

*****

**_Reader POV_ **

I took one last look at Ezekiel’s vessel, lying asleep on the bed, before hurrying out after Sam and Dean. I was really attracted to him, but now that he was in Sam, it wouldn’t be the same. It was the vessel that I was attracted too, not the angel.

I followed the boys out of the hospital, and quietly observed the conversation that they were having, as I hurried to keep up with their longer strides.

“So? How’s it look in there?” Dean asked him.

“Not good.” Ezekiel replied gravely, in Sam’s voice, “There is much work to be done.”

“Yeah, but he’s gonna wake up, right? Dean demanded. slowing his pace slightly so I could catch up.

"He will.”

“What happens when he wakes up?” I asked, “How will it all work?”

“Ya, is he going to feel you inside, triaging his spleen?” Dean demanded.

“He will not feel me, no. there is no reason for Sam to know I’m in here at all.”

“What?” Dean and I said at once.

“You’re joking.” Dean went on, “No, this is…. this is too big.

"And what will he do if you do tell him he is possessed by an angel?” Ezekiel asked, as he stopped walking and looked at Dean.

“Ummm” I started, biting my lip. I had an idea at what Ezekiel was getting at.

“Well, he’ll have to understand.” Dean said bluntly, looking at the angel in surprise.

“And if he does not?” Ezekiel asked again, “Without his acceptance, Sam can eject me at any time, especially with me so weak. And if Sam does eject me, he will die.”

Dean turned to look at me, as if seeking answers. But I had none to give him. Not telling Sam felt wrong on every level, but telling him and then watching him die would be even worse.

Dean searched my face, looked the ground and sighed, seeming to make up his mind. I held my breath, unsure of what he would say. He might try and reason with Sam, but that would be putting Sammy’s life at risk.

“Then we will keep it a secret for now.” he decided, “Or until Sam is well enough that he doesn’t need an angelic pacemaker… or if I find a way to tell him.”

“I… As for him being in a hospital, I’ll have to figure something out.” he muttered.

“I can erase it all, if you like.” Ezekiel announced, “He will not remember any of this.”

Dean sighed but I knew that he was agreeing to it, as much as it pained him to do so.

“Ezekiel?” I said quietly, looking up at him.

“Yes, Y/N?” he inquired, looking at me.

“Are you going to be all right?” I asked, biting my lip.

“I’m hurt now, but I will be better in time. As will Sam.” he replied.

I smiled at him, “Thank you for saving my friend.”

Ezekiel looked me in the eye and smiled briefly, “You’re welcome Y/N.”

It was in that moment that I knew I was in trouble. Although it was Sam standing in front of me, those eyes were all Ezekiel. And looking into those eyes; so serious and full of unnamed emotions, I knew that if I wasn’t careful, I could find myself falling for an angel.

*****


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Dean grow closer, and you get to know Ezekiel. Takes place during episode 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Fight scenes and violence. Attempted kidnapping, Nightmares, Angst, Death and funerals, some fluff and humor (to lighten the load). No smut yet, sorry!!! I will say possible trigger warnings due to the fight scenes…

*****

**_Reader’s POV_ **

I watched Sam carefully as we slowly made our way back to the bunker. He was a little confused about what had happened while he was out, but he was otherwise himself. I saw no trace of Ezekiel in him at all.

When we got back to the bunker, Kevin nearly killed me with an arrow. Dean was all set to tear him a new one. Before I finally yelled at him to listen.

“Dean! Stop!” I yelled, “I’m fine. Kevin is terrified…. and now we are kind of even.”

“Even?” Dean repeated, confusion and disbelief written all over his face, “What does even mean? Did you shot an arrow at Kevin?”

“No… he startled me when he showed up here unannounced and I kinda fired a warning shot….. at him…. with my gun.” I mumbled, gesturing towards the wall by the front door, which was now marred by a bullet hole.

Dean gave me a look that pretty my guaranteed a lecture later and went off to talk to a frantic Kevin. I headed off to my room, desperate for a shower and sleep. Or sleep and a shower, whichever came first. Which was a shower as it turned out.  

I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to crawl into bed when Dean knocked on my door.

“Y/N? Can I come in?” he asked softly, poking his head into the room and smiling when he saw the pj’s that I had on.

“Sure.” I replied, as I turned off the main light and sat on the bed to towel dry my hair. “What’s up Dean?”

“Well for starters, I want to know if you have any regular pajamas?” he questioned as he walked into my room, laughing at my tank top and bacon print pajama set.

“What?” I asked, looking down at my sleep attire, “They are normal jammies!”

“None of your pajamas are normal Y/N!” Dean chuckled, referring to my extensive pj collection. “And most people call them pj’s or pajamas, not jammies.”

“Lots of people call them jammies.” I replied primly, “And I happen to like all my jammies!! I’ve always loved pj’s”

“Lots of kids call them jammies.” he told me, shaking his head in amusement, “And for the record, you are the only person that I have ever met who has an entire dresser full of pajamas!”

I scowled at him, as I ran a brush through my almost dry hair, “Did you really come here to talk about my pj collection? Or are you here to lecture me about almost shooting Kevin?”

“I will let that one slide for now, considering that you thought Crowley was trying to kill you.” he replied, “It was a stressful time for you.”

I frowned, that was not like Dean at all. Normally we’d be screaming at each other about my lack of focus or something along those lines. “Ok Dean, what’s wrong?” I demanded, setting my brush on the bedside table.

“I don’t know.” he sighed, flopping down on my bed and making himself comfortable. “I just wanted to see you.”

“That’s nice, but I wanted to sleep.” I told him with a tired smile. “And you are avoiding the question.”

“Then let us sleep!” he responded, slipping under the covers and reaching his arms out for me, once again avoiding the question. I sighed, deciding to wait and see if he would tell me on his own.

“You’re getting pretty daring, Winchester.” I teased as I crawled into bed beside him, “Inviting yourself into a girl’s bed like this.”

“I can leave if you want me to.” he replied slowly, sounding less sure of himself than he did before.

“Don’t you dare.” I yawned as I snuggled into him, laying my head on his chest. “You are like a comfy, warm teddy bear.”

“What did you just call me?” he asked incredulously, tickling my ribs lightly.

“Nothing!” I shrieked, laughing “I didn’t say anything!!”

“Are you sure?” he asked again, fingers posed to tickle me again.

“Yes!! I’m sure!!” I pleaded, hiding my face in his chest so my smirk wouldn’t give me away. Dean chuckled and let me get comfortable against him. I sighed happily, feeling warm, comfy and ready to sleep.

“Did I do the right thing with Sam?” Dean murmured quietly into my hair, holding me closer. I smiled to myself, glad that I had let him start talking when he felt like talking.

“He’s alive, isn’t he?” I mumbled back sleepily, trying my best to stay awake for this conversation. “I think that counts for something.”

“Ya.” he admitted, “But if he knew…”

“If he knew, he would say no and then he would be dead Dean.” I said bluntly, sitting up to look at him. “Would you rather him be pissed off at us or dead? Because I’d rather he be alive and pissed, not dead and alone.”

Dean reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear, before dragging his fingers over my face, lightly tracing my scar. “How did I end up knowing such a wise, beautiful woman?” he mused, before sitting up to kiss me lightly.

I kissed him back, letting him pull me down to the bed again, lips moving slowly against mine. But all I could think about how my body was a full of scars and tattoos, a testimony to the life that I lead. And how Lisa was tall, perfect and scar free. And apparently what Dean wanted. I knew that if I was truthful with myself, it was Lisa that kept me from getting closer with Dean. Even though she was long gone.

Dean broke this kiss, staring down into my eyes. “What?” he asked, frowning lightly.

“Nothing.” I replied, with a not so fake yawn, “I’m just tired.”

“Then let’s go to sleep.” he said, turning to spoon me and pull the covers over us. “Get some rest, we have a busy year ahead of us.”

“Uhhuh.” I mumbled back, barely containing a yawn. I last thing that I remembered before I feel asleep was Dean kissing my bare shoulder before settling in for the night.

*********

**_Reader’s POV_ **

“Ok, tell Sam and Dean that I will meet them there!” I yelled at Kevin as I left the bunker armed to the teeth. I had stayed home from this hunt to do laundry because I desperately needed clean clothes, as did the boys. But then that red headed hell bitch had called and it became all hands on deck.

By the time I got there, the impala was empty and I knew that the boys were already after Abaddon. And probably neck deep in trouble. I gripped my angel blade tighter and hurried after the boys, unnerved by how quiet it was. But I didn’t dare call out for them, I was trying to take the stealthy approach. I heard a clatter, and turning I saw two guys in military gear approach, carrying assault rifles. And I knew one of them.

“Justin?” I whispered quietly, staring in disbelief. He was my friends cousin, and we had even dated for a time. “Justin? Is that you?”

“Not anymore princess.” he sneered as his eyes turned black. His companion raised the gun as I dove for cover.

“No!” I heard Justin, or rather the demon in Justin roar, “She’s mine! I want to keep her once we finish this job.”

“Fine, but you’d better get her quick before Abaddon finds her.” the other demon snapped, before stopping and listening. “Wait!!…. They are over here.”

The demon looked at me rather longingly, before following his companion. As soon as his back was turned, I took off running, yelping when someone grabbed me. I jerked free and swing the blade wildly, narrowly missing Sam.

“Y/N!” Sam yelped, “It’s me!”  

“Oh thank god.” I breathed, “I thought it was Justin. Or that thing that was in Justin.”

Sam gave me a confused look as I let out a shaky breath before looking at the other hunter, “Hey Irv..” I greeted him, “I’d say it’s good to see you….”

“Ya, I get it Y/N…. are you alright?” he asked worriedly.

“One of the demons…. he’s in the body of my ex boyfriend.” I whispered, “And he stopped the other demon from killing me, because he wanted to keep me for himself…” I shuddered as I tried not to imagine what that would have entailed.

“We won’t let that happen to you Shorty.” Irv said firmly, “Now you two go on ahead, I will cover you.”

“But that’s a death sentence!” I gasped, “No. We go together.”

“No! This is my fault.” he replied, “It’s what I got coming. It’s my fault. I was lonely and I met a girl.. and well… next thing I know, I’m being tortured.”

“Abaddon.” I said flatly, “I really hate that hell bitch.”

Irv smiled sadly at me, “I’m sorry Y/N.” he started.

“Save it.” Sam cut him off, “You are coming with us.”

Irv opened his mouth but never got to finish his sentence as a shot rang out, dropping Irv on the spot. Sam grabbed my arm and hauled me closer to him as we ran for cover. I slipped my blade into my jacket and grabbed my gun, nodding at Sam, before we took off running for the nearest building to hide in, while firing at the demons. Sam kicked his way into the building, with me close behind. Only to have Justin trip him, before he grabbed my hair and wrestled the gun out of my hand, smiling when I yelped in pain.

“Stay away from my girl, Winchester.” Justin sneered, before pulling my hair back and whispering into my ear as the other two demons arrived and started throwing Sam around. “Oh the fun we are going to have… you just have to wait for me to kill your boyfriends first.”

Justin gripped my face and turned it to the side so he could watch me as I saw what the other demons were doing to Sam. “You know, Justin never wanted to let you go."He told me as he tightened his grip, "He wanted to keep you all to himself. You were everything to him and you broke his little heart. He would have done anything to get his girl back and keep her forever. And now he gets too.”

The demon let go of my face as he watched the other demons throw Sam around like a rag doll, “I am going to make all his dreams come true.” he marvelled, his voice full of madness and glee.

“Fuck you. I am so going to enjoy killing you.” I hissed as I smashed my head into his, hearing the satisfying crunch of a breaking nose.  

“BITCH!!!” Justin roared, loosening his grip enough that I could wiggle away. I had only gotten to steps when his hand locked around my wrist in an iron hard grip, squeezing my wrist hard enough to make the bones creak, causing me cry out in pain, before I managed to jerk free and swing the angel blade wildly at him.

Justin blocked the blow, knocking the angel blade free. “Just for that, it’s going to be a long long time before I let you die.” he hissed, as he backhanded me across the face, knocking me to the floor with a strangled shout. I heard Sam groan as he was thrown into the wall, then a blinding white light shone out, just as Justin reached for me. Peeking up, I saw Sam standing up as the shadow of tattered wings stretched out behind him. Realising that it was Ezekiel, and remembering what Dean had said about what happened to their friend Pam, I quickly squeezed my eyes shut and ducked my head as the windows were blown out of the building.

*****

**_Dean’s POV_ **

“I so appreciate you boys coming when I call.” Abaddon taunted me, “And thank you so much for bringing your friends. One of my demons is especially taken with the girl. he wants to keep her, and I suppose I will let him, as a thank you for killing the Winchesters.”

“The girl is long gone now.” I panted, “So nice try.”

“Oh not the young, pretty hunter.” Abaddon cooed, “Though I suppose I might let Jason keep her.”

“What girl are you talking about?” I demanded, a bad feeling washing over me as she laughed throatily.

“The tiny little one with the scarred face.” she replied, smiling widely at me. She then launched into a explanation about how she wanted to keep my body for herself, always smiling as I struggled to get free of her grip.

I heard a loud, pained scream rip through the air, and Abaddon paused, head cocked and eyes closed as if listening to her favorite melody. “Ahh, it looks like Justin has already begun his fun.” she teased, before staring at the building in confusion.

I could see the white light emanating from inside of it, and grinned when the window’s blew out.

“An Angel?” Abaddon asked, glaring at me.

“What, you think we’d roll up to this mouse trap without some back up? I told her smugly.

She sneered before picking me up by the neck and throwing me through a nearby window. When I painfully picked myself up, she was gone. Running into the building where Sam and Y/N were, I saw the soldiers scattered around, dead. And Y/N was lying on the ground, her long hair covering her face.

"They were going to kill him Dean.” Sam explained as he rose from doing something to one of the bodies. “And they were going to take Y/N with them.”

“Ezekiel?” I asked, “What the hell did you do?” I looked around at the scene that lay before me.

“I was protecting your brother.” he explained, almost sounding shocked “And your friend. I thought that was what you wanted.”

“Yeah… right… yeah, no. I-I… sorry” I stuttered out as I tried to get my thoughts in order, kneeling down to check on Y/N, “I’m still getting used to this whole thing.”

“As am I.” Ezekiel said, looking down at Y/N.

Y/N flinched away from my touch and I frowned, pulling my hand away as she scrambled to her feet, eyes wild and unfocused as she looked around for a terror only she could see. She glanced down at our feet, and visibly relaxed when she saw the body of a dark haired soldier on the floor. She looked up at me and then Sam, well Ezekiel through her tangled hair, giving me a good view of her busted up lip and various bruises.

“Are you alright?” I asked her gently, at her nod, I looked at Ezekiel, “Is Sam okay?”

“He was knocked unconscious. Ezekiel replied, "In a way, he still is.”

“Sam will not remember any of this.” he added,

“So what the hell am I supposed to tell him when he comes to?” I demanded.

Ezekiel looked down, and raised the knife in his hand up “That is why I used the knife.”

“Right.” I said, taking the knife from him, “smart.”

“You are troubled still.”

Y/N was watching us with an unreadable expression on her face.

“Yeah, it’s just that, uh… ” I began “Yeah, this is on me.”

Ezekiel looked at me in confusion, it was so weird, it was Sam’s body standing in front of me, but it wasn’t Sam in it. The voice, behavior and facial expressions were all Ezekiel.

“I was the one who talked Sam out of boarding up Hell.” I continued on, “Okay, so every demon deal, every…. every kill that they make, well, you’re looking at the person who let it happen.”

“Dean….” Y/N whispered softly, looking pained at my confession.

“You were protecting your brother.” Ezekiel said, stepping closer to me “I am in Sam’s head, Everything he knows, I know. And I know that what you did, you did out of love.”

“Yeah.” I muttered “Uh, look, Zeke…. I’m going to call you Zeke.”

At this, the angel got such a confused, perplexed look on his face that I nearly laughed, Y/N was the one who left out a soft laugh at his expression, and glancing at her, I felt almost jealous at the look she was giving him, smiling softly up at him, not caring about the blood that trickled down her chin. But considering that he saved her life, I found my jealously to be fleeting.

“I’m not really with the whole, uh, love and…. love.” I went on, seeing Y/N look away suddenly.

“But it is why I said yes.” Zeke told me.

“Yeah, and if that goes sideways, that’s on me, too.” I muttered.

“That is not going to happen.”

I gave a bitter laugh, “This is nuts….. I mean, you’re Sam but you’re not Sam, and normally he’s the one I’m talking to about all this stuff.” I went on.

Zeke heaved a sigh and looked at me.

“I’m trusting you Zeke."I told him, "I just got to hope that you’re one of the good guys.”

“I am.” he said, looking at  me so seriously from my brothers face, “But I suppose that is what a bad guy would say.”

I chuckled humorlessly, unsure of what to say to that.

“Dean Winchester, you are doing the right thing.” he added, looking at me with that ever serious look on his face.

I nodded, turning to look at Y/N, only to find that she had left.

*****

**_Ezekiel/Gadreel’s POV_ **

It was hearing Y/N’s pained scream that made me decide to announce my presence. That and the fact that Sam was close to being killed by the demons. But as I slid back into Sam’s mind, hiding myself from the rest of him, I could only be honest with myself. It was Y/N’s scream that brought me out, before Sam came close to being killed. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to her. Those beautiful, expressive eyes of hers, so full of life.. I never wanted to see them cold and dead. Everything about Y/N fascinated and intrigued me. I always wanted to watch her, and did so as much as I could from the dark corners of Sam’s mind.

The more I got to know her, the more I wanted to know. But I still felt a wave of  guilt, knowing that she would never know who I truly was, so she would never know the true me, and if she did find out, she would be repulsed by me.

And that was a load that I could never bear.

*****

**_Reader’s POV_ **

I left before the boys did, telling them that I would see them at home, but really needing some time to myself. That demon… Justin… and the look in his eyes… the sheer insanity and malice. It shook me more than I cared to realize. And I just wanted to be alone, especially after Dean’s “I’m not really with the whole love thing comment.” there was no real future there if he thought that, except when it came to Lisa. He loved Lisa.

Once I got back home, I went straight to the showers, and sat, crying under the hot spray. Then I locked myself in the room for the night and pretended to be asleep when Dean knocked on my door. I tried sleeping, but I was plagued with nightmares of Justin’s insane eyes and maniacal laugh. I woke up in a cold sweat every night after hearing the same words repeated over and over again. “She’s mine, I’m going to keep her. I’m going to keep you. And I won’t let you die for a long long time”

I slept less and less over the next few days, instead opting to throw myself into research or looking for cases, then at night I would work out into the wee hours or shoot targets all night long. Sam and Dean both tried talking to me several times, and I just told them I was trying to work harder and focus more so no monsters could get the drop on me again, which was partly true. One night, almost a week after Justin, I was headed into the kitchen when I bumped into Sam.

“Y/N” a, soft, serious voice greeted me, and I couldn’t help but smile.

“Zeke!” I greeted him, unable to stop my smile at the adorably confused look he had on his face when I called him that.

“What are you doing up?” he asked, as he looked me over and frowned in confusion, “And what are you wearing?”

I blushed to the tips of my toes. I was wearing a pair of my favorite jammies, but the last time I wore them, Dean had laughed so hard that I feared he might keel over and die. I glanced down at my red onesie and sighed.

“It’s called a onesie, Zeke.” I explained, “ They are my favorite jammies…. now why are you up?”

“Because you are.” he said simply, “I know that you are not sleeping. I hear you at night. And I want to know what’s wrong and if I can help.”

He reached out and gently touched the cut on my cheek that Justin had left, and then reached down to pick up my wrists and frowned over them. Both were bruised a deep purple, which were slowly starting to turn into yellows and browns. And my right wrist was sprained when Justin had twisted the knife out of my hands.

“I’m…. I’m…. where is Sam?” I blurted out, stalling for time.

“He’s asleep.” he said simply, “Please let me heal you.”

“And how would I explain that to Sam?” I asked him, raising an eyebrow.

Zeke looked at a loss for words as he let my wrists go, “Will you at least tell me why you are not sleeping?” he asked gently.

“Yes.” I sighed, heading towards my intended destination, “Come with me to the kitchen, and I will tell you everything.”

“Ok” Zeke nodded, turning to follow me down the hallway. “Uhh… Y/N?”

“Yes?” I replied, looking over my  shoulder at his confused expression, “What is it Zeke?”

“Why does your backside say Bear Bottom and have a picture of a carnivorous mammal on it? And do the buttons serve a purpose?" 

"Oh for the love of god.” I moaned, covering my face in sheer embarrassment as I walked into the kitchen.

“Zeke, they are… the… umm..I” babbled, “Umm sit.” I waved an arm towards the table as I struggled to get the words out.

“It’s a joke. Funny haha joke” I explained “Instead of b-a-r-e bottom as in a butt, it’s says bear bottom and has a bear on it.”

“And the buttons?”

“Well back in the day…. ” I sighed before rushing on with the official explanation, “Like pre 1950’s, they made flannel pajamas like this, but without writing or decorations on them and they had what was called a…….  drop seat (also known as a trap door or butt flap), which was a buttoned opening in the seat, designed to allow the wearer to conveniently use a toilet…”

I glanced at his face quickly, seeing the confused look and pretty much guessing his next question.

“Look Zeke…. you were never supposed to see these jammies. Sam and Dean saw them once and laughed so hard that Sam cried and Dean could hardly breath. I thought that everyone was asleep and I could get away with wearing these tonight.” I said resignedly.

“I assure you Y/N, I will not laugh at you.” he told me seriously. I gave him a small smile and turned around to make some hot chocolate. But when I reached for a pot to make the hot chocolate in, I saw Zeke watching me with an amused smile on his face.

“I can see you smiling!” I protested, giving him an exasperated look.

“Sorry Y/N, I just accessed Sam’s memories of your… jammie’s and found them to be quite amusing.” he said softly.

“Ugh whatever” I groaned as I heated the milk, “I give up. I will stop trying to defend these and wear them with honour.”

Zeke smiled at me and we both waited in silence as I finished making the hot chocolate. Once I was done, I poured the chocolaty goodness into two cups, and took them to the table, before grabbing a couple of muffins to nibble on. Zeke looked at the food in question, but obediently picked up  his cup and took a sip.

“So are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked after I had taken a sip of my drink. “Why are you not sleeping?”

“It’s Justin.” I whispered, “Or the demon that was in Justin. It wasn’t just another demon this time. It was a demon in the body of an ex boyfriend. That made it more real and terrifying. He knew things. He said things. And now I hear him every time I close my eyes.”

“What did he say?” Zeke asked, leaning forward and resting his arms on the table between us. “Besides all that lunatic raving about wanting to keep you and that you were his?”

I shuddered at his words, “That’s just it.” I whispered, “Justin used to say that I was his and that he never wanted to let me go. It wasn’t creepy, he just loved me a lot. But I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment, so I broke it off. I guess he didn’t take it too well at first. I was told that I broke his heart.”

I looked Zeke dead in the “That’s the thing though. The demon knew that. He said how I broke Justin’s heart and that he would do anything to get me back, and never let me go. I am just worried that I drove Justin to this…” I said miserably, looking down into my hot chocolate, as if I could find the answers there.

“Y/N.” Zeke said, pulling my gaze from my cup, “I was at the crime scene. I saw what Sam saw. And Justin didn’t make a deal. He was just at the wrong place at the wrong time. The demon had been possessing someone else’s body for a long time before he came across Justin.”

“Really?” I looked up at Zeke hopefully.

“Yes really.” Zeke replied, “It’s not your fault. The demon was just a demon, doing what demons do. He wanted to scare you. Terrify you. But he is dead now and you can rest easy.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief then, smiling at the angel gratefully. “Thanks Zeke.”

“You’re welcome Y/N……… Can I ask you a question?” he asked, looking unsure of himself.

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you go to Dean about this?” he said, looking down at the table, “Don’t you spend most nights together?”

“No… not at all.” I chuckled. “Sometimes we cuddle, but Dean and I…. we are not… he’s not… we have never…” I stopped my rambling, blushing slightly.

“I don’t know what Dean and I are. I’m still waiting for him to let me know. And I’ve been waiting for a long time.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah…” I mumbled, looking away from him.

“I’m sorry.” he told me, reaching out to touch my hand lightly.

“It’s alright Zeke, but can we not talk about that anymore?” I questioned, looking away from him.

“Ok. ” he smiled back at me “How about you tell me more about these jammies of yours. It seems that Sam is endlessly amused by your collection.”

I laughed for what felt like the first time in days and took a drink of my hot chocolate.

“Well….”

*****

**_Reader’s POV_ **

The day after my talk with Zeke, I woke up tired but feeling better than I had since that last hunt. I joked and laughed with Sam and was back to fighting with Dean. I even sat down at lunch and told both of  them why I had been so tense lately. And they told me the same thing that Zeke did. It wasn’t my fault. Justin never asked for it, he had just gotten on the wrong bus, was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I felt a lot better and my life was getting back to normal, well as normal as a hunters life can get.

The Edith called.

“Eddie?” I asked when I saw her number come up, “What’s wrong?” I bit my lip guiltily, knowing full well what she would be calling about.

“Hey Y/N/N.” Edith’s tearful voice came through the line, “I’m sorry to call you, I know that you are busy training, but I just wanted you to know that Justin was found murdered earlier this week.”

“What?” I gasped, “Are you sure?” I turned away from Sam and Dean, both who were watching me intently.

“Yes.” she said dully, “Him and some of his army pals. Looks like they got into some type of gang or drug war.”

“Oh Eddie, I am so sorry…. what can I do?” I asked her, praying that she wouldn’t say it.

Then she said it.

“I was wondering if you could take time off from training and come home for the funeral.” she said softly, “Please Y/N. Justin loved you so much. I know that you were not ready to commit, but he never stopped loving you. He always hoped that the two of you could reconcile someday.”

“I don’t know Eddie…” I started, feeling a wave of intense guilt wash over me. I was kind of responsible for Justin’s death. But when I heard Eddie softly crying I gave in.

“Edith? I will be there.” I promised, reaching out for a pen and scribbling down the funeral info. “Don’t worry about my training, I can get a few days off for the funeral. I will see you soon Eddie. Love you.”

Once I hung up, I looked to see Sam and Dean waiting for me to start talking. “I’m leaving in the morning boys, you will have to survive a few days without me.” I announced, as I pushed back my chair, “I’ve got to go pack.”

“Whoa whoa wait!” Dean shouted, jumping out of his chairing and running to stop me. I tried stepping around him only to see that Sam was blocking my exit.

I crossed my arms and glared up at the bothers. “What?” I asked, raising my brow.

“What?” Dean repeated slowly, staring at me in disbelief “Well who is Eddie for starters?”

“Edith, otherwise known as Eddie, is my friend.” I said slowly, “Justin’s cousin. She called to tell me that he was found murdered and begged me to come to the funeral. Which is in two days, so I am leaving in the morning.”

“Justin?” Dean repeated again, sounding like a parrot, “As in the guy who has been haunting your dreams and made you moodier and grumpier than Sam?”

“Hey! Dude!” Sam protested, before looking at me “What did you mean about training?”

“Oh, that. ” I said absently, mentally going over what I had to pack. “I had to say something the few times I went home to see after I started hunting, so I told everyone that I dropped out of college to fight in underground fight clubs.

"You did what?” Dean asked, looking at me as if I had just sprouted two heads.

“Hey it’s not that farfetched!!” I defended myself, “I have been doing mixed martial arts since Jr high.”

“You… what?” Dean asked, looking at me like he had just met me.

“Oh please Winchester, how did you think I caught on to fighting so quickly? You think I learned all my moves from you?” I laughed at him, shaking my head.

“Well… Ya.” he mumbled, looking like I had told him there was no Santa.

“Sorry to burst you bubble, princess, but it’s the truth.” I chuckled, punching him lightly on the arm as I pushed past him “Now I gotta go pack, then it’s early to bed for me.”

*****

**_Reader’s POV_ **

I had only been asleep for a few hours when the nightmares started, brought on by the guilt I felt by going to the funeral and having to pretend that I did not know what happened.

“Justin!! No!!! Please stop!!!” I screamed, lost in my nightmare as the scene unfolded in my mind. “Stop!! No!!! Please!!!”

When I heard my bedroom door bang open, I woke up, staring in terror at the figures looming in the doorway, with drawn guns pointed my way.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” Dean demanded, lowering the gun and hurrying to my side.

I could only stare at Dean, then Sam in shock, needing to see that they were real and alive.

“Yes.” I gasped out, “I’m fine. It was just a bad dream.”

“I don’t think you should go to this funeral.” Dean said softly, putting the gun down and pulling me into his arms, “It seems to be making things worse.”

I clung to Dean and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths to calm myself.

“No… I need to go.” I whispered, “It will be good for me. I can put it behind me.”

“Are you sure?” Dean asked, leaning back to look at me worriedly. “Should one of us come with you…?”

“Yes I am sure, and no… I need to do this alone.” I assured them, knowing that I needed time to think.

“Want me to stay with you for the rest of the night?” Dean asked, pulling me close again.

“Yes, please.” I whispered, hugging him tight and turning to smile at Sam, and instead finding Zeke staring worriedly at me. I smiled at him to let him know that I was fine, and he smiled back thinly, before letting Sam take over again.

“I will leave you two alone then.” Sam said, coming over to kiss my head before turning out the light and leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Dean lay down and pulled me close, tucking the covers up over us. “Do you want to talk about it?” he murmured into my ear, as he wrapped his arm around my waist.

“No thank you.” I whispered back, closing my eyes and breathing deeply in an attempt to calm down. “Not right now.”

“ _Not ever_.” I thought to myself. How could I ever explain that in the nightmare, Justin was telling me to chose who lived and who he would kill…  Dean or Ezekiel…. in Sam’s body. Making the choice impossible for me. Either I lost Dean and Sam hated me, and left with Ezekiel trapped inside him and then I lost everyone. Or I chose Dean and lost both Sam and Ezekiel. And then Dean would hate me for choosing to spare his life at the expense of Sam’s, and I would lose him too. Either way, I would lose everyone I loved. I had no idea what the nightmare meant, but I had to figure it out. And fast.

“ _Wait… love?”_ was my last thought before I fell asleep, leaving me with more questions than answers.

*****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the pajama thing is based on me, and is all true. Except the bacon ones, I don’t own them…. yet. The red ones mind you? I do own them and I love them… I’ve wanted to write a fic about them for awhile now, so I jumped at the chance lol.


End file.
